How often have you wondered if you were in the right family? My children used to joke with their Mom and me that someday their real parents were going to show up- and they would be rich and famous! We laughed. And we responded by telling our children that our job as parents was to make sure that a new generation of mental health specialists would have plenty of work with just our children!

Listening to other parents, interacting with other adult children, spending time with teenagers, hanging around Vacation Bible School's, volunteering at secondary schools, has opened my eyes to the blessing and curse of family.

Listening to some of the adults in my church the other day I was reminded how painful family can be- when children cut off communication with their parents, when adult children express their selfishness in ways that hurt their parents, and when adult children make choices that fly in the face of all they were taught. I realize those are just a sampling of the ways that families hurt one another, but there is a great deal of pain in our world regarding the family!

The blessing of family is easy to identify- but when the pain is intense and immense, it is tempting to only focus on the curse. What often happens is self-balme. Parents think back over their actions and wonder what they could have done differently. If only.... I am more and more persuaded that given the same circumstances and range of choices, as parents we would do the same things over again. So, rethinking our choices is not a healthy option. Then, how do we recover the blessing of family when the curse threatens to overhwelm us?

I am certainly no expert in family relations- just ask my wife and my children! But I have learned a thing or two along the way. First, as parents we have to acknolwedge that our children are adults, making choices on their own. It is the nature of a parent to seek to guide our children - even after they have been launched into the world. But, ( you knew this was coming) once our children become adults, they are responsible for their own choices. One of the hardest parts of being a parent is letting go.

Secondly, instead of focusing on the past, live in the present. We can pray for our children to make better choices. We can pray, asking God to create new life in our children. We can communicate with our children. Even if they choose not to respond, we can keep our lines of communication open. I have been writing to my brother for some time- and he doesn't respond. But that is not my problem! That is his choice. At least he knows I'm still here and still interested.

Last, find other parents and share your heart. Sometimes the best thing you can do is listen, sometimes the best thing you can do is cry!

One last thought- when you think your family is about as dysfunctional as it can be- read the book of Genesis- talk about a problem family, look again at how God worked in Jacob, Esau and their families! There is always hope!

PASTOR STEVE